How do you find the words to convince somebody you're not racist? How do you clearly express you're views on ethnicity? Or multi culturalism?
How do you frame a response to somebody proposing that you would not be able to promote to a child it's heritage and culture?
Ever thought about that?
No me neither.
When we closed the door to the Social Worker after her first visit we had much to ponder. She had agreed that we would be suitable to start the assessment which could lead to us becoming adopters. But there were a few caveats. The flat we were in was probably too small. There were stone steps directly outside leading to a road. We were near a pub. We were harbouring a portal to the underworld in our bathroom....... Ok the last one wasn't true but you get my drift.
The only thing to do was move. Easier said than done in a small town when we were going to have drop half of our income as one of us would quit there job when a child came along. It took at least 2 months from that initial visit to when the SW was ready to start the assessment. We didn't rest on our laurels. We house hunted. We furniture hunted. We looked for more suitable employment. We found every type of certificate we had. Birth, marriage, parents birth, parents marriage, driving licence, passport. My PHD was brought out and dusted off .(But as this was actually a Politeness and Helpfulness Diploma I was given from primary school I'm not sure how relevant it was)
What the hell I didn't think about was what questions they would actually ask. So when the SW next came around and showed us the weighty stack of papers with their weighty questions which would eventually be transformed into something called a 'Form F'(???), I dialled into my inner voice of calm reassurance, but found only white noise and something that sounded suspiciously like sobbing.......
There were sections on your family, your support systems, your life experiences, your beliefs, etc.etc.
A scary assault course in a noble quest for what is known as.....approval.
But then the SW starts to talk, and the questions start to get broken down into specifics. Small bitesize chunks. It's not easy, but it becomes less daunting. Do not be put off. And don't be afraid to talk. Eventually what you really want to say will come out. ( In my case wrapped in a whole lot of waffle).
Take the first question of this post. I'm proud to say that when I thought about it I realized that the best example I could ever give was something my wife had said years before. As a young woman she worked in a shop where one of the men working with her was a hugely disruptive influence. He just happened to be black. Anyway matters came to a head one day and an argument started. As it got more heated he shouted at my wife "You don't like me cos I'm black!" To which my wife replied without a single moments hesitation " I don't like you cos you're a prat!"
Just think about that. How many people would have pulled that answer because of who they were talking to? How many people would have hesitated and thought about it? Negative descrimination or positive descrimination, it still means you are thinking about a mans colour. My wife didn't. She saw a man who was acting like a prat and needed to be told that he was acting like a prat. As a man who has lived with her for over 20 years, I can confirm it's a mantra which she adheres to this day.
So you see. However small or insignificant you think an answer can be, there's always an answer.
And so onward to the SW weekly visits. Could it be I would actually start to not worry about them? Well we'll see....
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