Well I finally did it and set up a blog. What's the betting my kids don't do anything daft now for me to write about ...actually that's never gonna happen.
Well Mummy..if by that you mean standing on the branches and complaining that they are 'stinging', pulling all the lights out of their box by 1 bulb and swinging them around, climbing in and out of the tree box and falling over and whacking my head THREE TIMES, stopping to type the word 'boobies' into google search on the pc, doing everything 'gangnam style', hiding half the decorations then putting the other half on 1 branch, eating sweets, burping farting and singing 'daddy is a fat hairy butt' together....then yes...we HAVE been helping Daddy put the tree up.
Christmas Plays It really doesn't matter the size of the part that your child has in the school play or nativity. It doesn't matter if they just take part in a song or a dance. It doesn't matter if they have a speaking part or not. It doesn't matter if they are talented or not. What matters is that your child is up there, taking part. What matters is the magic that a group of kids wearing teatowels, sheets and facial expressions which go from smiling goofiness, to borderline panic, to an almost furious concentration can create. What matter is the tradition...... ....and as such I have had a quick read of the ol good book and have unsuccesfully managed to find the bit where Joseph, standing to the rear of the room, manages to miss the entire birth of the baby Jesus but has a remarkably clear view of a huge cows arse who has stood up to film her calf who is waving maniacally from behind the manger... ...and now I'm the one in trouble apparently! As I told the police, I was merely trying to move her out of the way and totally forgot the tazer was in my hand..
With Cern finding the elusive Higgs Boson particle last year it has been widely reported that, theoretically, time travel may now be possible. Well I am here too tell you with the shuddering cliche that science fiction is now...science fact.
It was a couple of weeks ago when I took my 7 year old and his best mate out early on a friday evening for fish and chips. As we ate we talked, (sorry, they talked, I listened) they drank some cola, I had a half of beer, they drank some of that, they burped, we laughed. It was fun. As we walked back to my house my boy, who had not been feeling too well, attempted to fart. It became immediately clear from his raised eyebrows and desperate clenching that he had been slightly overambitious in his attempt and the fart was slightly less 'ethereal' than he intended it to be. Lets just say there was more 'substance' than he was hoping for. Anyway we got him home, cleaned him up, they had a play,and then it was time to drive his mate home. The 3 of us got in the car and being early friday the radio was pumping out 'club classics', so they turned it up to earsplitting volume and I drove while 2 small lunatics threw themselves a round the car. So we get back to the friends house, jump out of the car and the boys Dad opens the front door and says 'Hi son. Have you had a good night?' It was at this very point where time leapt forward approximately 11 years. I was no longer with two little 7 year olds but instead all I could see were 2 big hairy arsed 18year olds who had just got home from a big friday night out.... because they said exactly this...... My sons friend 'Yeah we had a great night, we went to the chippy and we drank beer and we have had loads of coke and then we have been dancing to some banging tooooooooooooones!' At which point my son jumps in front of the door and with unconfined glee shouts 'Yeah....AND I SHIT MYSELF!'
Well I finally did it and set up a blog. What's the betting my kids don't do anything daft now for me to write about
ReplyDelete...actually that's never gonna happen.
Well Mummy..if by that you mean standing on the branches and complaining that they are 'stinging', pulling all the lights out of their box by 1 bulb and swinging them around, climbing in and out of the tree box and falling over and whacking
ReplyDeletemy head THREE TIMES, stopping to type the word 'boobies' into google search on the pc, doing everything 'gangnam style', hiding half the decorations then putting the other half on 1 branch, eating sweets, burping farting and singing 'daddy is a fat hairy butt' together....then yes...we HAVE been helping Daddy put the tree up.
Christmas Plays
ReplyDeleteIt really doesn't matter the size of the part that your child has in the school play or nativity. It doesn't matter if they just take part in a song or a dance. It doesn't matter if they have a speaking part or not. It doesn't matter if they are talented or not. What matters is that your child is up there, taking part. What matters is the magic that a group of kids wearing teatowels, sheets and facial expressions which go from smiling goofiness, to borderline panic, to an almost furious concentration can create.
What matter is the tradition......
....and as such I have had a quick read of the ol good book and have unsuccesfully managed to find the bit where Joseph, standing to the rear of the room, manages to miss the entire birth of the baby Jesus but has a remarkably clear view of a huge cows arse who has stood up to film her calf who is waving maniacally from behind the manger...
...and now I'm the one in trouble apparently! As I told the police, I was merely trying to move her out of the way and totally forgot the tazer was in my hand..
With Cern finding the elusive Higgs Boson particle last year it has been widely reported that, theoretically, time travel may now be possible. Well I am here too tell you with the shuddering cliche that science fiction is now...science fact.
ReplyDeleteIt was a couple of weeks ago when I took my 7 year old and his best mate out early on a friday evening for fish and chips. As we ate we talked, (sorry, they talked, I listened) they drank some cola, I had a half of beer, they drank some of that, they burped, we laughed. It was fun.
As we walked back to my house my boy, who had not been feeling too well, attempted to fart. It became immediately clear from his raised eyebrows and desperate clenching that he had been slightly overambitious in his attempt and the fart was slightly less 'ethereal' than he intended it to be. Lets just say there was more 'substance' than he was hoping for.
Anyway we got him home, cleaned him up, they had a play,and then it was time to drive his mate home. The 3 of us got in the car and being early friday the radio was pumping out 'club classics', so they turned it up to earsplitting volume and I drove while 2 small lunatics threw themselves a round the car.
So we get back to the friends house, jump out of the car and the boys Dad opens the front door and says 'Hi son. Have you had a good night?'
It was at this very point where time leapt forward approximately 11 years. I was no longer with two little 7 year olds but instead all I could see were 2 big hairy arsed 18year olds who had just got home from a big friday night out.... because they said exactly this......
My sons friend 'Yeah we had a great night, we went to the chippy and we drank beer and we have had loads of coke and then we have been dancing to some banging tooooooooooooones!'
At which point my son jumps in front of the door and with unconfined glee shouts 'Yeah....AND I SHIT MYSELF!'