Insects and other Family members. Simons Blog

Here are some interesting insect facts!

Houseflies find sugar with their feet, which are 10 million times more sensitive than human tongues.
Ants can lift and carry more than 50 times there own weight.
Insects have been present for 350 million years, and humans for only 130,000 years.
Beetles account for one quarter of all known species of plants and animals. There are more kinds of beetles than all plants.
Termites eat through wood 2 times faster when listening to rock music.
There are nearly as many species of ants (8,800) as there are species of birds (9,000) in the world

In short insects are the most successful and adaptable animals on earth. They are amazing. Life on earth would cease if they were to disappear. It has come to my attention recently though that my family have an entirely new use for insects. It seems we use them to make a point. ....
Example 1) A few years ago my eldest boy refused to let me remove a dead fly from a shelf in the dining room. I came down the next morning to find he had put half a grape next to the little body, in case it got hungry.Point?" I WANT A PET! GET ME A PET! I CAN LOOK AFTER IT! GET ME A LION OR A HORSE OR AN ABALONE OR SOMETHING! BUT GET IT NOW!!!!!"

Example 2) My youngest getting out of bed and running downstairs saying "I can hear a wasp! I can hear it coming to get me. It's gonna sting me MUMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Point? "You shouldn't have put me to bed you bloody idiots. I should be allowed to sit downstairs until the early hours farting and eating my own body weight in chocolate".

Example 3) My wife found a dead fly on the bathroom floor. She stepped over it. It was there for 3 weeks. Point? "Why should I pick up the dead fly? There are three males in this bloody house. Lets just see if my bloody useless husband notices and  can actually be arsed to deal with it!"

Example 4) I found a dead fly on the bathroom floor. I stepped over it. It was there for three weeks. Point? "There's a dead fly there. I KNOW my wife will have seen it. She's conducting an experiment to see if I will pick it up. I'm gonna leave it there to see just how fucking annoyed she's gonna get before actually EXPLODING! This is gonna be fun!!!!"

Insects. Useful.

Excuse me sir! You seem to be driving whilst philosophising.

So you're driving down the motorway and listening to your kids have an 'upper register' discussion about wether a 'look' constitutes actual physical assault ( my 3 year old near hysterical screams seem to indicate it is up there with being stabbed, whereas my 8 year contends that ' it's just a loooook,' with added head roll). Then you pass a sign that says 'This sign is not in use' ......
So... It isn't  in use....but you have just read it...so it is. So the sign is lying... But it's not.... Because it is... Or not? So if it is and it isn't does that mean it exists in 2 different states? So does that mean it's there at all? Do I exist in 2 different states? Is there another me that is not permanently beset by school sent colds, crushing tiredness and permanent skintness? Am  I really a bronzed god driving a Ferrari to my private jet for a trip to my own island? Do I have no kids in the back really?

At this point I am caught behind the left earlobe by the chewed off leg of  the Yellow Power Ranger  followed swiftly by the request that if I don't stop the car immediately someone is gonna poo theirselves as 'it's coming out!!!!!!!!'
So this is it then.......Schroedinger......stick your cat up your arse...