A Frustrated Rant - Simons Blog

 A play in 1 act.
Character List. Me - A humble peasant.
                         B - A Starbucks Barista.

Enter stage left.
M "Good morning. May I please have a cup of plain black coffee?"
B " Aah hello. I see that you have been coming here for 15 years and as such a loyal customer you have qualified for a Gold Loyalty card. Look it's shiny! And you can get lots of benefits."
M " Marvellous. So what benefits do I get?"
B "Well. You will always be guaranteed a seat in the window."
M "Great!"
B "Yes...all you have to do is phone us at least 2 days in advance of your visit and we will make sure you have a lovely view."
M "Ummm right....anything else?"
B "Yes. If you have any children under the age of 6 they will get an espresso ABSOLUTELY FREE when you next visit! All you have to do is notify us at least 2 days before, by phone, and we will sort that out for you."
M "Errr okaaay..well I don't usually let my kids drink caff...never mind...Anything else?"
B " Of course! We will also give you a number that you can ring at any time and get FREE advice on any coffee related matter."
M "Riiight...for, like, my many coffee related emergencies and stuff...."
B " EXACTLY!! All you have to do is ring at least 2 days before you need your coffee related advice and we will book you in for an 'advice' call at a mutually convenient time. And remember, your card is also very shiny!"
M " Can I just have my coffee please?"
B " Certainly sir. Thats £4.50 please."
M "It says £3 up there!"
B "It does sir. But that's the price for new customers who have never been here before. You, as one of our loyal and valued customers, have to pay much more!"
M "Yes. Over 30% more. And why is that?"
B (sighs) " Oh sir. Surely you must understand that large companies have to attract new customers in order to survive"
M "ummm yes, but this means 1 of 2 things. Either the price you are giving for new customers still makes you a reasonable profit, in which case the price you quoted me is ridiculous money grabbing. Or you are doing the new customers coffee at cost, which effectively means you are overcharging loyal customers in order to subsidize your new customers. Right?"
B " Don't get angry. I think you'll find everybody does it sir."
M " I don't think they all do it?"
B ( bigger sigh) " Oh sir! Please don't pretend to know anything about business. Would you like to ring our coffee related advice call booking line? They promise to use small words and speak slowly?"
M " No thanks. I would just like to pay the same price everybody else pays for their coffee if that's ok."
B "Well you could, but you don't really want to. Because we can arrange for somebody to call you with an even better price. AND they can talk you through all your coffee options! We don't just do black coffee sir! There's lattes and cappuccino's and fr........"
M " I JUST WANT A PLAIN BLACK COFFEE AT THE BEST PRICE YOU CAN GIVE ME!!!"
B "...okay sir. No need to shout. Somebody will be pleased to phone you and discuss your coffee quote in the next 2 days."
M "But I want my coffee and and to pay for it now!!! I don't want to talk to somebody else. JUST GIVE ME A BLOODY PRICE!!!!!!!!"
B "Right! That's £2.50 then...."
M "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"
B " Well. We thought you were an idiot sir."
M " What?"
B " We thought you were an idiot...and that if we gave you something shiny that's completely worthless first you would be dumb enough to just pay a shitload of money. It's sort of like shining a torch on a wall to distract a child while you nick their sweets. Now. Coffee?"
M "Actually.....I've just noticed a Costa over the road. Think I will just pop over there thanks.."

Now, obviously this didn't happen in Starbucks. I can see this is ridulous, you can see it's ridiculous, Starbucks would be out of business very quickly if they treated their customers like this. But this is pretty much what our own 'beloved' Automobile Association decided to do to me. So bye bye.
And just see what furious revenge I have taken by having an obscure rant on my blog which no one reads. Vengence is mine. MWAhhahahahahahahahahah...etc...

Just answer the question.........Adoption Diary

How do you find the words to convince somebody you're not racist? How do you clearly express you're views on ethnicity? Or multi culturalism?
How do you frame a response to somebody proposing that you would not be able to promote to a child it's heritage and culture?
Ever thought about that?
No me neither.

When we closed the door to the Social Worker after her first visit we had much to ponder. She had agreed that we would be suitable to start the assessment which could lead to us becoming adopters. But there were a few caveats. The flat we were in was probably too small. There were stone steps directly outside leading to a road. We were near a pub. We were harbouring a portal to the underworld in our bathroom....... Ok the last one wasn't true but you get my drift.
The only thing to do was move. Easier said than done in a small town when we were going to have drop half of our income as one of us would quit there job when a child came along. It took at least 2 months from that initial visit to when the SW was ready to start the assessment. We didn't rest on our laurels. We house hunted. We furniture hunted. We looked for more suitable employment. We found every type of certificate we had. Birth, marriage, parents birth, parents marriage, driving licence, passport. My PHD was brought out and dusted off .(But as this was actually a Politeness and Helpfulness Diploma I was given from primary school I'm not sure how relevant it was)

What the hell I didn't think about was what questions they would actually ask. So when the SW next came around and showed us the weighty stack of papers with their weighty questions which would eventually be transformed into something called a 'Form F'(???), I dialled into my inner voice of calm reassurance, but found only white noise and something that sounded suspiciously like sobbing.......
There were sections on your family, your support systems, your life experiences, your beliefs, etc.etc.
A scary assault course in a noble quest for what is known as.....approval.

But then the SW starts to talk, and the questions start to get broken down into specifics. Small bitesize chunks. It's not easy, but it becomes less daunting. Do not be put off. And don't be afraid to talk. Eventually what you really want to say will come out. ( In my case wrapped in a whole lot of waffle).
Take the first question of this post. I'm proud to say that when I thought about it I realized that the best example I could ever give was something my wife had said years before. As a young woman she worked in a shop where one of the men working with her was a hugely disruptive influence. He just happened to be black. Anyway matters came to a head one day and an argument started. As it got more heated he shouted at my wife "You don't like me cos I'm black!" To which my wife replied without a single moments hesitation " I don't like you cos you're a prat!"
Just think about that. How many people would have pulled that answer because of who they were talking to? How many people would have hesitated and thought about it? Negative descrimination or positive descrimination, it still means you are thinking about a mans colour. My wife didn't. She saw a man who was acting like a prat and needed to be told that he was acting like a prat. As a man who has lived with her for over 20 years, I can confirm it's a mantra which she adheres to this day.

So you see. However small or insignificant you think an answer can be, there's always an answer.

And so onward to the SW weekly visits. Could it be I would actually start to not worry about them? Well we'll see....