Although the children have just gone back to school and it's still warm enough to flash the milkman..............ahem..........anyone who has visited a supermarket recently will leave having no doubts that christmas is here NOW!
Yes that's right, even though it may seem as though we have months until the coke trucks arrive, aisles full of mince pies with a november sell by date prove beyond doubt that we have to start planning for the big day.
I know that after dinner entertainment on christmas day tends to be a straight choice between watching a sacked actor make his spectacular soap exit, or watching Grandad do a slightly disturbing mime of 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane' in charades. But now, thanks to my wonderful children, I have invented a quite spiffing parlour game for all ages! I think our victorian ancestors, gathered around a hearty fire and cracking their filberts, would have been absolutely beside themselves to have a game of what I have called
"What the f....?"
It is a hugely entertaining amalgam of charades, kerplunk, 20 questions, and the once popular online site 'rate my poo.'
Ok. Ready? This is how you play.
1) Simply let your 7 year old visit the toilet for a apparently much needed number 2 accompanied by a favourite small toy.
2) Wait for slightly anguished cry followed by the word daddy. For full effect the word daddy must be said in a rising, followed by a falling, manner. i.e. "daddEEE! DADDEeee!" This is the signal for a game to start.
3) Enter the toilet to find your son, wearing a confused look, holding a HALF USED piece of toilet paper, and complaining loudly that his toy car had somehow fallen from his hand and landed in the recently soiled bowl.
4) Now the fun begins. All you have to do is try to retrieve the car with a hastily found implement that you will NEVER USE AGAIN!!!!!!! In this instance......a pair of chopsticks (don't ask..)
5) Whilst doing this task there are certain other rules which must be obeyed. You must not gag. You must try to ask half of 20 questions (I don't mean 10 questions, I mean half of 20 questions. e.g " What the fu.......? How the bloo.......? If you were SITTING DOWN what the..........? Why...........?) These questions must be asked in an increasingly high voice until the last one is only audible by dogs. You must also try to interpret the answers from the , frankly, nonsense mimes that your son is doing in response to the questions.
6) The winner is determined by being the person who is NOT on their hands and knees staring into the abyss in the vain hope the thing they are stirring round is in fact a miniature beige vauxhall astra......i.e it's never gonna be daddy....
I really feel that with enough support we could get the game into the shops by the end of november and record xmas sales are sure to follow......
