Before we get to the specifics of dealing with unique situations involving your kids a general overview is required. I think if you follow these helpful steps most situations can be dealt with swiftly and effectively.
1) Assess wether the incident is your fault and liable to get you into trouble with your wife. For example, check if the flour currently creating a Mumbai type smog in your kitchen was left in low down position by you and not put back in cupboard as requested by aformentioned wife. Or, did the 3 yr olds epic tumble down the hill be caused by you accidently dressing him in your 7 yr old shoes? If yes, immediately show sympathy to child. Hugs, kisses...maybe the odd bribe to get them to stop crying. Admission of guilt is always preferable as, after the initial shock of seeing their little boy with a huge graze down his nose but grinning and eating a massive ice cream at 8.30 in the morning, you can be sure a forensic investigation worthy of Columbo will ensue. This will , of course, lead to the inevitable verdict that you are an idiot. If however it is not your fault, go to step2.
2) Do you have any equipment to record the situation to hand? If possible get a video of an ongoing incident, or, if you can, try to get them to recreate it. After all, if they have succesfully managed to remove their head from the cows arse once, chances are they can do it again. If this is not possible, remember to at least get a picture of the aftermath. After all, a photo of a childs newly 'Veeted' I thought it was shampoo baldy head will always bring a tear of nostalgia. A visual record is always a must because as long as Harry Hill breathes, there is always the possibility of leeching £250 from ITV for revelling in your sons misfortune.
3) Check if child is ok. Now some of you may think this should probably be done before steps 1 and 2...but we are talking a possible £250 and your eventual stroppy teenagers endless embarrasement here. Play the long game! If child is ok go to step 4
4) Laugh and point, safe in the knowledge that you are 'toughening them up' for lifes arduous struggle. There is the distinct possibility that they may hate you for evermore...but you can be smug in the knowledge that you have enough recorded evidence to at least make them sit through a christmas dinner with you in 10 years time with some degree of civility...........As long as their new girlfriend is in front of the tv and you keep your finger hovering over the 'play' button.
5) Remember to bore the pants off your friends with endless anecdotes about your kids 'hilarious' incidents!
If you Must shout at the telly, it is probably better to aim your cutting diatribe involving the state of the nation, the incompetence of MP's, & the breakdown of local services, towards some unknown civil servant on Newsnight...rather than berate the terminally useless Postman Pat for losing his bovine delivery up a cliff...this not only makes you look like a twat, but can terrify your 3 yr old.....
Before we get to the specifics of dealing with unique situations involving your kids a general overview is required. I think if you follow these helpful steps most situations can be dealt with swiftly and effectively.
ReplyDelete1) Assess wether the incident is your fault and liable to get you into trouble with your wife. For example, check if the flour currently creating a Mumbai type smog in your kitchen was left in low down position by you and not put back in cupboard as requested by aformentioned wife. Or, did the 3 yr olds epic tumble down the hill be caused by you accidently dressing him in your 7 yr old shoes?
If yes, immediately show sympathy to child. Hugs, kisses...maybe the odd bribe to get them to stop crying. Admission of guilt is always preferable as, after the initial shock of seeing their little boy with a huge graze down his nose but grinning and eating a massive ice cream at 8.30 in the morning, you can be sure a forensic investigation worthy of Columbo will ensue. This will , of course, lead to the inevitable verdict that you are an idiot.
If however it is not your fault, go to step2.
2) Do you have any equipment to record the situation to hand? If possible get a video of an ongoing incident, or, if you can, try to get them to recreate it. After all, if they have succesfully managed to remove their head from the cows arse once, chances are they can do it again.
If this is not possible, remember to at least get a picture of the aftermath. After all, a photo of a childs newly 'Veeted' I thought it was shampoo baldy head will always bring a tear of nostalgia.
A visual record is always a must because as long as Harry Hill breathes, there is always the possibility of leeching £250 from ITV for revelling in your sons misfortune.
3) Check if child is ok. Now some of you may think this should probably be done before steps 1 and 2...but we are talking a possible £250 and your eventual stroppy teenagers endless embarrasement here. Play the long game!
If child is ok go to step 4
4) Laugh and point, safe in the knowledge that you are 'toughening them up' for lifes arduous struggle. There is the distinct possibility that they may hate you for evermore...but you can be smug in the knowledge that you have enough recorded evidence to at least make them sit through a christmas dinner with you in 10 years time with some degree of civility...........As long as their new girlfriend is in front of the tv and you keep your finger hovering over the 'play' button.
5) Remember to bore the pants off your friends with endless anecdotes about your kids 'hilarious' incidents!
..........oh....no wait hang on a minute.......
If you Must shout at the telly, it is probably better to aim your cutting diatribe involving the state of the nation, the incompetence of MP's, & the breakdown of local services, towards some unknown civil servant on Newsnight...rather than berate the terminally useless Postman Pat for losing his bovine delivery up a cliff...this not only makes you look like a twat, but can terrify your 3 yr old.....
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