Certainty is different to assumption. When
I was 12 years old I was certain that I would play rugby for England. I had good
skills. I was fit. I would work hard, and I wanted it. If all those things were
in my favour how could I fail?
At the same age I assumed one day I would
be a father. I didn't think about it, or care that much. I certainly didn't plan
for it. But sometimes people would make a comment like 'Just remember this when
you have kids.'.....and all boys become men...and all men become fathers.
Right? As I got older my certainty of rugby success was gentle with me. It
gradually faded to hope, then to realisation, then to an almost humerous
bemusement. I mean, thousands and thousands want to pull on the white shirt and
a fraction of a percent actually make it. What right did I have to think I
would? But all the time my assumption of fatherhood sat there. Tacit but
unwavering.
So years pass and marriage happens and lots of life is lived,
and then questions start to be asked about becoming a family. More time passes
and when that question is still being asked you go to the experts for the
answers. But still the assumption of fatherhood stays strong. After all,
something can always be done, any man can be a father...right?
My
assumption didn't let me down gently. One minute I was going to a father
sometime, the next I never would be. It was swift, it was brutal, and it
exploded like a grenade in my stomach, sending shrapnel through my heart, mind
and soul. It tore little jagged holes in places I wasn't convinced existed. But
they never broke the skin. Nobody can look at you and see the
damage.
This isn't an adoption manual. Nobody should think this IS how
it's done. It's just a personal observation of how we went through it and the
things we go through now,in order to let two gorgeous little boys into our life
that have repaired all the damage.
...and if 1 person who is unsure about
adopting reads this and thinks' well if that nonsense spouting idiot can do it,
then I can!' then it's a worthwhile exercise. Because sometimes these kids do
more for you than you can ever do for them.
At the same age I assumed one day I would be a father. I didn't think about it, or care that much. I certainly didn't plan for it. But sometimes people would make a comment like 'Just remember this when you have kids.'.....and all boys become men...and all men become fathers. Right?
As I got older my certainty of rugby success was gentle with me. It gradually faded to hope, then to realisation, then to an almost humerous bemusement. I mean, thousands and thousands want to pull on the white shirt and a fraction of a percent actually make it. What right did I have to think I would? But all the time my assumption of fatherhood sat there. Tacit but unwavering.
So years pass and marriage happens and lots of life is lived, and then questions start to be asked about becoming a family. More time passes and when that question is still being asked you go to the experts for the answers. But still the assumption of fatherhood stays strong. After all, something can always be done, any man can be a father...right?
My assumption didn't let me down gently. One minute I was going to a father sometime, the next I never would be. It was swift, it was brutal, and it exploded like a grenade in my stomach, sending shrapnel through my heart, mind and soul. It tore little jagged holes in places I wasn't convinced existed. But they never broke the skin. Nobody can look at you and see the damage.
This isn't an adoption manual. Nobody should think this IS how it's done. It's just a personal observation of how we went through it and the things we go through now,in order to let two gorgeous little boys into our life that have repaired all the damage.
...and if 1 person who is unsure about adopting reads this and thinks' well if that nonsense spouting idiot can do it, then I can!' then it's a worthwhile exercise. Because sometimes these kids do more for you than you can ever do for them.